All the 2s

Hey! Remember when I said I wanted to write more?? I’m not sure if it is a sign that my second post of 2020 is on 2/2/20… Probably not.

January was a bit of a washout. It started well but then kinda trailed off into a cycle of self-destruction. I think the underlying problem with Janurary was my anxiety getting the better of me. There were a fair few uncertainties that got the better of me and really dragged me down.

I am starting February off with a better attitiude… Well on Monday, at least (the day when all new beginings/plans/aims should begin). I have been thinking alot about what I need to do and what I would like to achive. February being the shortest month means this should be easy, right?

So here goes:

Read Read Read! – One of my plans for this year was to read more… Something I didn’t really do in January. I was looking for a book group but my concern is I will hate the books chosen and end up giving up. Also there is always a chance the book will not be at my library. I found GoodReads which is filled with lists (oh how i love lists) of books to read. One that took my fancy was “Books to read once in your life”. This sounds perfect! So I picked a few out and ordered at the library, whislt waiting for them to arrive I took out a completely different book that wasnt on the list! I set up a goal on the GoodReads site to read 20 books in 2020. Due to starting a bit late, I need to catch up. So for February I want to read 4 books:

  • Rabbit, Run by John Updike
  • The Help by Kathryn Stockett
  • Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
  • To Kill a Mockingird by Harper Lee

Move Move Move! – Ok so this is always an issue for me. Somedays I hate the thought of going outside and I don’t move enough inside. Deep down I know I have to. I know it will benefit me, my weight and my overall health. It is just getting it done so I propose a challenge. Throughout February I will walk 60 miles. I was initially going suggest a marathon and then discovered that I did 54 miles in Januuary without even trying! It would be good to be able to increase it a little each month.

Drink Drink Drink! – I never drink enough, I get in trouble for not drinking pretty much every day, it is a constant bane of my life. I don’t know why but I just forget to drink. I can go full days without it and I know it isn’t good. So my plan is to work on drinking 5 of my water cups (250ml). I know 5 isnt enough but it is more than I currently drink and therefore an improvement. If I say more then I simply just wont do it! I need to work myself into it!

As I also have a Uni assignment due at the end of the month I am sticking to those three aims. Not too difficult but challenging enough!

Hopefully it will work well and I will start to feel better

Clare x

2020 Vision

2018 2019 2020 is going to be the year I sort my life out. *sigh*

Every year I fail in my new year resolutions to be a better, healthier person and yet I still go through the motions of writing the post, making this promises and sticking to it for all of 5 minutes. Every year I say that this one will be different. It never is.

I’ve been putting this off, normally on the 1st of January I have a list of everything I want to change/achieve for the year and I post it but this year I have held back, I’m not really sure why. Maybe it is because I don’t really know what I want to do, maybe it is just because I’m done with planning out everything I want to achive and then having to deal with my mental health when I realise I have, for another year, failed.

Who knows?

This year is going to be different… oh my, the times I have said that!

Rather than “I will” it will be “I want to”. Doesn’t seem like a big difference but in my mind it is. “I will” makes me feel like a failure when I fail, which I usually do. “I want to” is not a promise, it is something i, well, want. Something to aim for but if i do fail i will hopefully look at how much i did acheive… hopefully anyway!

So here goes, my 2020 Visions (I had to use that title for obvious pun related reasons)

I want to lose a significant amount of weight: I know, Every year I say the same thing. This time is different (i have said that a lot in the past too)

I want to have the start of a successful brand: Ok this is new. Last year I decided I wanted to start making and selling. I created a name (along with social accounts) but never really got going with it. This year I want to start and make a real identity.

I want to make a significant contribution to others: I want to volunteer at a charity to help people. I’ve thought about this for a while and the only thing stopping me is my self confidence and anxiety but I really want to try it. I’ve got some ideas in mind to make this happen.

I want to significantly reduce waste: Over the past couple of years I have really started to notice just how much waste we, as humans, create. I want to do my bit and reduce how much food and packaging waste I create. This is something that will be tricky, I’m not in a position where I can afford to change where or how I shop but I want to work on what I can control.

I want to get a control on all of my mental health issues: This will probably be the hardest part but I feel the past year i have learnt a lot and I am starting to understatnd it a lot more.

I want to write more: I love writing but never really have anything to say! I need to find things to say and say them!

I want to read more: Last year I started a reading challenge which I struggled with. I did however join the library and have been using it a fair bit. I want to get into reading every day and maybe write about what I read.

I want to be more creative: I just to be super creative however now I struggle for ideas. I see videos online and think “i can do that” and then never do.

I think that is enough. I’m going to follow this up with smaller plans to help reach these “wants” through the year.

So my overall 2020 vision: To do what I want!

Happy New Year, I’m just a bit late to the party!

Clare x

Nothing to Say

At the start of the year I set out a plan to work hard creating blog. I ended up missing out on some of my writing schedule, and then just stopped blogging all together. Keeping a blog going is something I have always wanted to do, but how do I do that? How do I write when I have nothing to say?

I think I tend to put too much pressure on myself to write, too much pressure to make sure my posts are in an order, categorised correctly and posted on the scheduled date. When I break any of these “rules” I pretty much just give up. I wait for a long time and then start again, by deleting old posts and start again, pretending that it never happened. Deleting my past is not possible so why should I delete my past posts, regardless of how unorganised it is, or how much I give up!

My obsession with making sure things are in order has been refereed to numerous times as OCD, however I think that condition is used for anyone that likes to be organised which does belittle the actual serious disorder many people suffer with.

The pressure I put on myself to blog doesn’t help with my already difficult mental health. Whenever I stop writing I tend to feel like I have failed at my plans, so I may as well quit. This is a vicious circle that I want to get myself out of and enable myself to start writing again – regardless of subject, order or frequency,

I will return to blogging, as and when I have something to say!

February Fails… Bring on the Daffodils

February was a pretty awful month for me but, hopefully, the worst is now behind me. My motivation was at an all time low and don’t think I did particularly well with my monthly aims.

February

BlogWrite 15 posts, a slight increase from January

Fail!! I wrote a grand total of 6 and one of them was the February goal post!

BlogPlay and write about all of February’s PlayStation Plus games

Kinda. I only played the PS4 games and wrote about two of them. For Honor was good but I just didn’t sink enough time into the game to be able to write a fair review.

BlogWrite at least one blog post per category

Simple – nope!

MeLose weight – a bit more this time!

This has been a horrible month and many aspects. My weight has pretty much stayed the same

MeDrink ONLY water, and at least 5 cups (500ml) per day

I definitely haven’t drank enough per day. There have been a couple of drinks that were not water, but the majority has been. I’m pretty proud of how much I have have cut back on fizzy drinks.

MeRead a new book.

Done! I even started a reading challenge to read different genres each month which I am loving.

FoodStick to the meal plan!

Mostly! There were a couple of moments when we ordered bad food, or ate out. Still a lot less that previous months.

Social MediaBuild up my Twitter and Instagram

This is something I haven’t even touched.

March

Onto March. Spring is almost here and with it we are starting to have some warmer weather. I want to take advantage of that.

March is going to be the month where I start looking after myself. I know I should always be doing that, but I don’t.

Me – Lose some weight, some actual weight with an actual goal of a 12lb loss. That is 3lb per week which should be an achievable goal.

Me – Drink Water – Again I need to focus on drinking lots of water.

Me – Walk! Do lots of walks. This is something I find difficult but I have to do it!

Blog – I’m not going set any specific blog goals. I’m just going to write and try and build my confidence in not only the writing, but also the promotion of my blog.

Me – Continue with the reading challenge. Try and fit a couple of books in this month

Photography – Take 9 high quality images and start an Instagram portfolio. Photography is something I always loved doing – and then I stopped. I have some great ideas. I just need to get out there now and do it.

Social Media – Same as last month – work on building up my twitter an Instagram. I am undecided if I will create a new Instagram purely for my photography.

I’m excited to get this Month going and start to change myself.

Clare x

January success & February plans

Well January shot by in the blink of an eye. Februray has arrived, along with the snow, so it is time to look back on my January goals and look forward to the month ahead.

January

January was a month of mixed results:

Blog – Upload 3 different posts per week throughout January – so 12 posts in total

Completed, kinda. I did upload 12 posts but don’t believe it was limited to 3 a week.

Blog – Upload at least one post per category (up on the header)

Yep, though a couple of posts had duplicate categories.

Stream – Do one stream, with or without mic

Nope! I spent a lot of time thinking about this and, although many people say I should do, I just don’t feel like streaming. I don’t think it is for me.

Travel – Plan and visit somewhere new

I went for a meal in a place I’ve not been to before, not sure that counts though!

Me – Lose some weight

I am lower than I started January as, but not as much as I would have liked.


Food – Meal plans and no takeaways

I did meal plans, however there were a few days when we decided not to follow and grabbed a pizza. Probably accounted for the previous aim fail!


Water – Only drink water.

This one was probably the most challenging aim. I did end up drinking some fizzy drinks, but the majority day to day drinking was all water. I have been working really hard with Marc to increase how much I drink. Although I didn’t succeed with this aim, I am proud of what I did drink.

February

Blog – Write 15 posts, a slight increase from January

Blog – Play and write about all of February’s PlayStation Plus games

Blog – Again, write at least one blog post per category

Me – Lose weight – a bit more this time!

Me – Drink ONLY water, and at least 5 cups (500ml) per day

Me – Read a new book. Something I haven’t done in a long time. I think it might be good to shut off the real world for a while.

Food – Stick to the meal plan!

Social Media – Build up my Twitter and Instagram

February is going to be similar to January, but hopefully better!

Turning Blue Monday Pink

Today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year, known as blue Monday.

Not knowing its origin I did some research to find Blue Monday which, apparently, was first publicised by a holiday company “which claimed to have calculated the date using an equation” in 2005 to determine which day most people feel sad, or depressed.

The question I have is are people that do not normally suffer from depression actually depressed today, or are they now depressed because the social media bubble and trashy newspapers tell them they should be?

Are they sad because they are told to be?

This morning I decided to make this day the most positive day I could. I started the day with a bit of exercise, a couple of laps walking around my local park. It was here that I decided that Blue Monday needed a change of name. My favourite tree in the park stood in all its glory breaking up all the greenery with a hint of pink.

Blue Monday became Pink Monday, which continued…

Needing to pick up a few things I headed to hobbycraft for some pink icing and pink candy melts in preparation for a very pink cake, coming later this week. I ended the trip with a visit to pets at home to see the bunnies!

Although a pink rabbit sounds amazing, I returned home without a furry friend.

The day ended with a bit of artwork for twitter, which was also pink!

There are so many people in this world that suffer every single day with a “Blue Monday” who are told to “cheer up”. Yet on the third Monday of January, everyone is expected to be sad, because the media say so. Kinda fucked up really.

You can turn this Monday into any colour you want!

#PinkMonday

Clare x

New Year & a New type of Resolutions

Deja-vu!

I’ve started a new blog at new year.

Here is a post about all the things I want to change about me… kinda!

As we approach 2019, I feel a weight of disappointment that 2018 was quite a wasted year. I honestly can’t think of many positives I achieved.

So I guess I should look onwards to 2019 with a positive mindset.

Firstly I have decided to not write new year’s resolutions… I never stick to them which makes me really frustrated with myself and I end up in a mental place I don’t like to visit. Instead, for 2019, I’m going to set myself some monthly goals. Some of these goals will seem really small and simple to most people, however to me some of them will be mountains.

So here goes…

January Goals

Blog – Upload 3 different posts per week throughout January – so 12 posts in total

Blog – Upload at least one post per category (up on the header)

Stream – Do one stream, with or without mic.

Travel – Plan and visit somewhere new

Me – Lose some weight. I’m not putting a specific number goal down for this as I know I will just become disheartened. I will weigh myself on 1st January and that will be my starting.

Me – I will leave the house at least 4 times per week. This is something I find really hard to do a lot of the time, this is quite a mountain.

Food – Last year I started making meal plans at the start of each month. This is something I want to continue. My goal on this would be to stick to every day and have no takeaways!

Water – This will be the hardest for me. I plan on only drinking water throughout the month. No juice or fizziness!

I think that is it for January. Quite simple things, but somewhat challenging! I think doing these monthly will make them more achievable then the normal yearly ones.

Here is to an exciting year ahead with lots of writing, playing, creating and positivity!!

Clare x